How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
