Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
