we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
