I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
True college students do jello shots in the library
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
