I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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