I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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