Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
