when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
