i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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