she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
