literally had 100 drinks last night.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
