so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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