so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
