In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
