I accidentally burped into my bong.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
