I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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