Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
