So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Randomize
