i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
