Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Randomize
