Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
