Have you finally orgasmed yet?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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