I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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