The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
