Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
