I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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