So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
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Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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