We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
