I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
