covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
