Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
