You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
