grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
