I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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