dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
