dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize