My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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