sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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