I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
