I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
