before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize