i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
