matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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