she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
