at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
being pregnant is like rehab
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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