note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
