As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
