I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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