What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
