dude i'm inner monologue high
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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