okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
