you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
