His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
