If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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