Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
