then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
