Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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