I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
