The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
