please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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