I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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