a queef is a wish your heart makes.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Do you remember whose house we're in?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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