party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
