giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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