My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
