dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
