I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Pants 0. Shit 1.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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