Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
