dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
