This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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