Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
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