her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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