My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
