were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize